fUcK thIs

fUcK thIs

i was.. crushed when i saw it.

i should have known better, really.

one year ago i told myself i should never fall for it again.

and now i committed the same mistake.

oh fuck it.

now i don't what to believe, WHO to believe.

YOU. why don't you tell me what's going on?

oh fuck. i'm in no position to care, bother, or even ASK.

is it okay if we carry on this way?

is it okay if i pretend to be oblivious to what's happening?

No. i see it, every now and then. it's fucking haunting me.

don't ask me about it. you wouldn't want to answer for it.

it's unethical to break two.

but is it ethical to be toying with both?

i should do something, really.

but tell me. what can i do?

jEssE mCcaRtnEy - bEcAusE yOu LivE

jEssE mCcaRtnEy - bEcAusE yOu LivE

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back
Like a wake-up call

I've been looking for the answer.. somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know, what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl My world...
Has twice as many stars in the sky

It's all right. I survived. I'm alive again.
'Cause of you, made it through every storm
What is life? What's the use? If you're killing time

I'm so glad I found an angel someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl My world...
Has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live... I live
Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always...

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl My world...
Has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl My world...
Has everything I need to survive
Because you live... I live, I live

sighs.

oKoK

oKoK

yes yes, i definitely know that i'm missing in action. but come on, it has only been a week.

a week. nothing much happened, yet something DID happen.

anyways, let me catch my breath. these few days were hectic.. WITH HOUSEWORK! i can't believe it! i'm up to my neck doing housework. i'm so a full-fledged housewife, erm no, i mean THE MAID. sighs, what a way to spend my holidays. but i'm too lazy to find part time work too, so there you go.

it's exactly two weeks away! i'll be going to KOREA!! yippee, i can't wait. but i need more moo-lahs *ding ding!!* to support my expenditure over there. anyone wants to be a kind soul? *hints* but i seriously doubt so. BOO!

alamak, i'm so so so bored la. and mavis has caught up with me for spending money! that woman! she bought lots of sai that i like! ok la, not that roxy wallet though. eeks!

and nicole's going to aussie real soon! this sat! girl, i want roxy slippers and earrings!! heard that heard that?!?! *grins* we'll be coming back on the same day! hahas, i see you at the airport okies. lol.

and what's up with the donkey. he's damn restless ah. time to pay back your tau hway now! as well as the postponed activities ( you know what HUH!!) BUT i have a feeling it'll get postponed again. LOL. this time my fault! =P

some stupid housefly is flying around. but i ain't going to bother to catch it. unless it's an aedes mosquito. argh, what's up with dengue? 100+ cases everyday, now everytime i kenna mosquito bite i also scared okie. i dun want to be killed by a stupid WEN ZI. *_*

STUPID HOUSEFLY! STOP FLYING AROUND! THERE AIN'T ANY DELICIOUS FOOD HERE! YOU WANT SAI ANOT?!

this is how bored i am, quarrelling with a fly. oh well. =/

i have no more cough already.. time to swim!! =)

god knows if this is just a passing phase, i don't want to know instead.

i have

i have

THREE BIG PIMPLES

on my right cheek! OH MY GOD.

i can't face anyone now.

luckily it was night time when i met kian last night. HURHURHUR.

latest way to shit: pangsai in the toilet drainage hole! eeks!!

hIatUs

hIatUs

someone really ought to give my computer a bashing up. when i tried to view my own blog, it said "You are not given any permission to attain access to this website." -_- if i'm not entitled to viewing my blog, THEN WHO IS?!

ah, first things first. exams are over. yeah. notice that i'm not particularly over enthusiastic, because this means i have to find work and i'm really lazy. quoting hongjun, you're going to work for 30 years of your life, i'm not really sure if i want to work. hahas. but my bet is that i won't even start to find one. i'm really lazy. ought to change though.

all the papers seem difficult to me, maybe i wasn't prepared enough. but heck, i'm just asking for passing so that i can clear all. hope that's not too much to ask for. hahas.

and if you've been talking to me, you'd already know that i sound like a freaking ah gua now, because of my developed cough. it's not healing even though i bought medicine from my family clinic (i wanted to save consultation fees -_-).

a couple of events, lemme think. i need to reorganise my thoughts. i'm so mentally drained by exams and emotions that i can't think straight, stand straight and walk straight. you might have thought that once my exams end i'd go out? NO. i went home to do housework. wow. gotta give myself a round of applause, hurhur. because there was this one metre tall of clothes being piled up and no one's willing and has the time to iron them, i'm the lucky one chosen by my mum. but, when i reached home, i saw that my mum had already started to iron them and she was already finishing, so i took over and i only had to iron about, say, 15cm tall of clothes? haha. hao xin you hao bao. ^^

then it was supper with the donkey. he's back from outfield yet he's complaining! supposed to eat tau hway but i forgot to bring my ezlink out. and damn, we walked all the way to newton for supper instead. had rotijohn while he had fried carrot cake. and we strolled back to my house for digestion. actually, it's more of me not bringing my ez link. and when i reached home, i realised my ez link was in my pouch all along! BASKET. exams aftermath.

but early yesterday morning (okie, not SO early) some sweetie brought me BK breakfast and delivered them right up to my doorstep! =)) although it was really late, but still it was nice! and my craving was certainly satisfied as you can see on the right side of this blog (if you scroll down the 'cravings' list) hur. i owe you one. but hey, maybe not. *winks* then it was shopping with my mum and goodness. she bought adidas shoes and a bonia bag. spent like $200 in a day while i almost take forever to earn that. BASKET. i could only look on. hahs.

later in the night met gab, nicole, anthea, th and clem for chinablack to celebrate gab's birthday (happy birthday!!). lots of familiar faces were seen. donkey and ah black came along too. sorry to have made you guys wait yeah. it's difficult no one really decides what to do. *shrugs* was dancing halfway when ah black and donkey got high and went up to the platform to dance. HAHA, i think you guys thought it was more cooling to dance up there right. hur. went to get a drink when sze finally came. then it was back to the dancefloor again. this time we were the ones on the platform. zz. it's really much cooling, and no one really bumps you around except for the faggot who kept his ass stuck to my back because the step above me was over-congested. before we went up, i got bumped around by some fat malay girls, argh. like wad ah black said, sausage fest. disappointing night. perhaps it was because of the tertiary students discounts. girls were to pay $10 instead of $15, and guys $12 instead of $18. gays were spotted too! ALERT everyone! haha. and some joker stuck out his hand and tried to shake mine, while asking for my name. i was really reluctant to answer but i realised i should have told him a fake name. he tried to tell me his, but clearly i wasn't interested and so i forgot. perhaps the music was so loud that i rather concentrate on who's the bastard behind that kept bumping into me, than to keep a lookout for his name. eeks. it's all friends of friends. so.. *shrugs* there were a couple of couples making out on the dance floor! free shows! and i found out that i'd rather see girls in a club than guys. not that i'm les, but girls are much more interesting to watch. really. their dressings and all, ah if you understand what i'm talking about. haha. left early coz i was thirsty and tired. plus my cough was getting in the way. was sent home (thanks guys) and reached about 4am. and for the very first time, i coughed till i vomited. hahs. no idea why. maybe it's because of the alcohol. i was suspecting that i had asthma (i never had) because i was coughing till i could not catch my breath and my tears were just rolling down my cheeks. eeks.

so i went to the neighbourhood and all the clinics were closed. how timely. it says 10am - 12pm, while i reached there at 11.45am, all the clinics were closed. basket. doctors celebrate mid-autumn festival too. hahas. STRICTLY NO MORE COLD DRINKS FOR ME TILL I'M WELL!

and did i mention that i saw teck meng on my way to club? he looked beefy! OMG! things army can do to guys. when i last saw him like 2 years ago, he was totally different. we were just walking past each other, stopped dead in our tracks and both turned around together. haha!

daddy says i can't stay out late anymore, i've been having too much late nights and that's why my cough isn't getting better. this is not a good year. i've been sick too many times. agree? anyway, i think i'm going to a party this sat, so shall see how, i'm hoping that my cough gets well before sat! i'm really hoping!! =))

and heyyy!! i've got a new phone for free! it's given under those zero-dollar plans. =) my red phone is officially spoilt, and it's damn difficult to even switch off the phone!! but new samsung X640C saved the day! although it doesn't look as nice as my red phone (in fact it looks like an egg to me) and the functions ain't much better, at least it nows has a camera (not that i use it very often, why use it when you have a digi cam??) and the buttons are not spoilt YET! i survived through a very lok-kok phone so this new eggy phone is a luxury! smiles.

i'm sorry for the lack of photos lately! i've not even shown you guys pics taken from my cam! i'm in the process of transferring all my important documents to thumb drives and it's not finished! goody goofy kian volunteers to lend me his brand new hard disk! OMG. i'm so touched! and he, being such a lazy pig, actually managed to dig out initial D and bleach animes for me on the last day of our exams! kudos! =D and i still have to thank clem for helping me burn my files.. i'm not finished, onto CDs. haha! i also want to apologise to everyone who lent me their thumb drives for holding on to it! hang on okay, i'm trying to fix this asap! so sorry!!

it's so hard when you haven't blogged for days. you can't remember what you're supposed to blog about. i believe you all had heard me mentioning this before. eeeeeeksss! but anyway, it's decided. i'm going to KOREA for holidays!! yippee!! hahas! i'm going to bring back bae yong jun! actually i don't really like him. i'll bring back Won Bin instead!! WOOHOO!

hahs, that's all for now okie, i'm gonna wait for a call. *smiles*

i want to arrive IN my own accord, not ON my own accord.

OBJECTION!

OBJECTION!

boy.

ain't me s h o c k e d.

VS. yes, VICTORIA SCHOOL, now wants to go co-ed!!

NOOO!!! cedar's supposed to be with VS!! haha! *roll eyes*

but girls in VS? it's just weird la.

besides, that'll be breaking a 129 year-old tradition.

too much to take. hur.

girls singing "Victoria, thy sons are we.." hmm.

sHrUgS

sHrUgS

a week since i blogged.

stuffs happened, mugging, staying-overs, lack of food, etc.

i'm kind of exhausted.

history repeats. not the very-old ones. just about a year ago.

oh well. i'm not the kind that fights my way through. if it comes, it comes. no use battling your way in.

i'm tired. really. i seem to have anorexia now. no appetites. *shrugs*

ARGH. i don't know what's wrong with me. why can't i be like other girls? why can't i just live my life happily ever after? the more i want to get away, the more it comes to me. and when it comes to me, only then i realise it's not the way i want it to be.

are you all, all for the idea if i can change my memory like some portable hard disk? only remember the things that i want, those that i don't like, trash them it all into the recycle bin.

what a pit i've gotten myself into. too much self-delusion.

there's nobody i can bare my heart to. the only one, is the wrong one.

tell me. how sad is that.

living life like that, is worse than not living at all.

whO wIns AcTUally?

whO wIns AcTUally?

wah lao. cyndi wang's promotion advertisement for her new compilation album is getting me super irritated. every interval of commercial CONFIRM got her ads. it's too much. from cute, to disgusting.

why did weilian win? coz his singing is good. and i believe he has so much publicity that even the MOST oblivious citizen would have heard of him at least. BUT if i were to choose to go either weilian's concert OR kelly's concert, i'll definitely choose the latter. why? what is a concert for? visual relaxation. definitely kelly will perform up to standards. i pay for the best of everything.

weilian's singing is no doubt good, but in my opinion when he sings up to the falsettos, his voice turns really nasal and that's one thing i really don't like. it gets piercing. but hey, he improved alot! so cheerios. =)

it's controversial. the winner gets a contract to Play Music, the runner-up gets a contract too, but to Universal Music. and in the rules, it's stated that whichever company managed to sign up kelly, that company is liable to sign up any one other male contestant already booted out from the competion. and i believe we all know WHO they're eyeing right? of course it's junyang.

kelly = good
junyang = good
kelly + junyang = invincible = fabulous sales = $$$$$

so both companies will definitely try to sign up kelly, in order to sign up junyang as well. the means as to how they're going to do it, depends on the public voting then. but judging at the situation now, i think Universal gets the biggest share of the pie, although kelly lost to weilian. just imagine kelly and junyang singing a duet. ^^

however, seriously, it's yet difficult to see who's the REAL winner. both have contracts, both have different styles. so, shall see yeah? it's only the beginning. >.<

cyndi wang. NOT AGAIN!!!!!

obviously oblivious. BYEBYE.

GET. OFF. ME.

GET. OFF. ME.

nothing can express my disgust now.

NOTHING.

all these just have to happen to me now.

you'll be better off leaving me alone.

vulgarities are too mild.

wHy

wHy

i have no idea why he picks on me. note: present tense.

just because you quarrelled with some fucking relative you think you can vent your anger on me? just because i did not do things fast enough according to your speed you think you can scream the hell out? fine, if what i do isn't to your taste, DON'T SEE. if i don't do things fast enough, DON'T ASK ME TO DO. don't get me to do something, only to scold and complain after that. and to think i tried to cook dinner while i'm free, not that i want to boast, but do you see mavis doing that? NO. do you appreciate it? NO. do you criticise every single shit? YES. i believe you might want to eat shit too.

i'm not someone whom you can vent your anger on. i'm not an animal. when you get pissed off you fucking scold me, then what? when i'm pissed can i scold you back? NO. what can i do? all i can do is to be a coward, go into the toilet, slam the toilet cover down, sit on it and tell myself to calm down before i start throwing everything i see and start to rebuut you. i clenched my fists so tight that my nails penetrated into my palms. but i did not feel the pain. all i felt was ANGER. this is not the first time. just because i'm at home so i'm dispensable and able to let you holler at? FINE. i'll make myself scarce.

***************************

on a lighter note, i know i haven't been blogging for almost a week.

it was shopping day with mum on sat, and my aim was to spend away those wisma vouchers. but i ended up buying stuff WITHOUT using the vouchers. -_- so it's still intact. but now i have plans for those. so don't come asking me for them HUH! bought a mango top and a skirt. changed into them immediately when gab called me if i wanted to go clubbing with them. hah. rouge's definitely too hip-hop for me. but nevertheless, i did enjoy myself. virgin mary is nice, gab. HAHA. i love the salt. and yes i saw christopher from srjc. been so long since i saw anyone from there, not to mention donkey la, he not counted HAHA. nicole came to join us at around 3am, supposed to go music underground, but alas, we were suay that night, they checked IDs so gab and clem were bounced out. HAHA. but me and nicole did go in and took a peek. free entry, so why not? super techno. haha. but i was quite tired so everyone started to go home.. i was surprised that my cab fare was only $5.40. i expected more. hurhur.

spent the sunday checking my com. right, i retract what i said a few posts ago that my com 'is fine already'. IT IS NOT. system restores definitely take up too much space. i was supposed to have 27-30GB of free space in my C drive. when i checked the space again, i got a mild heart attack after seeing it was left with only 2.56GB. so what i can do now is to borrow thumb drives from everyone, and start saving my important documents, songs and pictures, before i send this stupid computer for reformatting and start throwing the stuff back in. it is still usable, except that it takes like 10 minutes to set up and another 5 to load? even compressing files can take me half an hour. i'm being skeptical about this post. i don't even know whether it'll get posted or not. but heck, i'll just try my luck. thanks to kian, th, sze, ah bu and kit for lending me your thumb drives. it'll take a few days. i'll try my best to return them to you asap. and special thanks to clem for helping me burning my pictures into CDs. thanks alot man.

supposed to go bowling on mon when no idea why clem did not come school. and so he was having diarrheoa (i can never spell that word correctly, SO, is it correct NOW?) and after lesson we walked around bukit timah plaza with hongjun, kian, gab, noorin and th, saw chen liping and her husband, haha. that we decided to walk to the railway track and explore abit. but the weather was horrendous and i was wearing slippers, so it wasn't the perfect gear. the rest wanted to climb bukit timah hill but i was having second thoughts. HAHA, lazy. so we decided to go to macritchie and try out the 11km trail.

and so we did, supposed to meet at 8am, but i was early (-_-, no prizes for guessing WHY.) and yes, we conquered the trail except that we did cheat abit coz we took the lornie trail as a shortcut. kian was going to be late and he might just miss his boat. haha, and i was super hungry you see, most of us did not have breakfast. 3.5 hours for 9km, i supposed that's quite slow. haha, we saw some aunties walking even faster than us. LOL. so we went over to black canyon for lunch, the rest were going swimming and i decided to give it a skip so i went home. i slept immediately after that haha.

stayed at home the whole day yesterday, did housework. haha. was bored i guess.

my com is still very much spoilt, i'll try to update as soon as possible. i have loads of pictures to show you all, but this isn't the right time to do it. hope my com can come back brand new and virus-free!

i'm going shopping with nicole later and meeting kit for dinner. shopping rawks.

till i blog again.

*to the peeps: I CAN'T WAIT! URBAN NINJA!!!!!! =D

i wanna fly away.