It seems only just yesterday when I was enjoying my favourite 卤肉 (stewed pork) from Serangoon Gardens and that was last Friday. So now, it's been a week. So fast!
Last night, during our daily routinal chatting on the phone, OTS and I agreed that it feels like we've been only together for six months although we are going to have our second anniversary soon. Hmm, he consents to the idea of me planning how to spend the day this time round! (Note: it's more of 'spending the day', not 'celebrating')
Sometimes I think I'm conservative. Many times I do not like to 'promise' things I might not be able to accomplish. Some examples are what I will do for my parents lah, where will I bring them to enjoy their golden age lah, or even telling my relatives about OTS and my expectations of my life lah. Hmm, I always thought time will tell us everything, so why promise? Besides, I'm afraid to make promises I could not afford to keep.
Almost two years. Almost two years since my last break-up too. Haha. That was one of the 转捩点 for me when I realised sometimes, nothing in this world is definite. An old cliche saying goes 'the only constant in this world, is change'. That is so right. I don't believe in 'forever'. I think it's plain bullshit. No one lives long enough to see for himself when the fuck is forever coming or ending. You can say that I am a skeptic, but I have every reason to be. I guess, that is the only way to protect myself sometimes.
And that is so difficult for OTS. I think he had a pretty hard time trying to break down my 'walls' and open up to him. I am not someone who readily share my opinions and think about my actions. I act, I forget. I used to make very casual remarks, be very careless with my words and not mean them at all. I was funny, but I was not credible. That was something I didn't like, but also didn't know how to change. And he did it for me.
He said, "It's so weird, you know. Everyday I come back to my room, I dial this number, and the person on the other end of the line just talks and talks. I feel like I'm calling some operator and she's acting my girlfriend. Like, you know, a service you pay for and there's this person who can act like your girlfriend and be your regular customer service officer. It feels like I'm calling a self-help line every night."
This is the kind of relationship we are leading. I'm pretty comfortable with it now, because when this started, we had no idea what it was going to be like. All we had was a couple of discouragements and many voices telling us that this might not work. 初生之犊不怕虎. A young calf will not be afraid of tigers because they had little or no experience. But hey, it turned out to be not as bad as we thought or expected, so baby, I thank you for not giving up.
Everytime we meet, it is like a giant dating thing. Hence so far, we have gone on... 5 huge dates? Haha, the sixth one is coming in November and people ask 'Wow you are flying over to meet your boyfriend ah?'. Normally I will answer 'No lah, just going over for a holiday and my parents are coming with me as well' because.. it's just weird to answer yes to meeting your boyfriend, flying thousands of miles across oceans. Yes, the conservative me is speaking.
But this time round, I must not be careless with my words! I think it's time to recognise the fact that:
Yes, I am flying over to meet my boyfriend for our sixth date because if not for him, I wouldn't even have chosen to go to Australia.
'There's no such thing as forever, only as long as possible.'
-- Melvina Koh
