Progress

Would you agree if someone says that a couple has to do things together to achieve progress in their relationship?

I've always been a believer of "alternatives". It is quite consistent for me to find ways other than the conventional way to think, to do or to say. I am a strong believer (or a naive believer, some might say) that a couple can also progress in their relationship separately, on a good mix of individuality and being apart. And I guess that's why Tex and I are pretty good at this LDR thing.

But lately, I've started to notice changes within myself. In the past, I didn't use to bother myself that much about how little Tex and I were sharing in common in terms of activities. I thought we were different from others so there was no point in comparing. Others didn't know what we were going through hence there was no reason to compare and make them understand anyway.

However, after a slew of fights and quarrels last year, we realised that we weren't that different from others. Like any other couple, we needed couple time and intimacy and more importantly, a series of activities for us to enjoy together.

Because being married encompasses many daily lifestyle habits to incorporate into each other's lives. Because being married means that after a quarrel or a fight, both of you still return to the same home every day. Because being married does not mean you get to return to your own single bed and ignore calls that night. Because being married means needing the ability to iron things out and not sweep it under the carpet. Being married requires your compassion, endurance and even big big love to embrace changes about you and your partner.

So, I surprised myself. So, I do get envious when I see other couples doing their couple-y activities together. Aaaah, so that's how it feels? The want and urge to do something with your other half? And of late, the feeling has become stronger and stronger. I feel that my time is on a standstill when Tex is not here with me and only when he is back here physically with me or when I see him again, my time starts moving again.

It sounds like a whine but I am very sure it isn't. For someone who has been through an accumulation of four glorious years of LDR, I don't think this is about me being needy or whiney. I recognise my needs and am very coherent about putting it across to myself or Tex.

"Recognising that you are weak, is also a sign of courage and strength."

I've been keeping myself meaningfully occupied while Tex is away. While it's been enriching on the social front and family front, marriage-wise it has been wonderful and challenging nonetheless. No, don't get me wrong. It's been awesome (I can't even remember the last time we fought) and we miss each other tremendously. Both of us just look forward to spending some real time together with each other. Even taking a bus ride together sounds like a luxury to me, you can't imagine. But there were just days when I would simply simply wish that I could just look at him face-to-face and not say a thing and bask in the lovely ambience where there is no distance to speak of.

How has these months treated us? I can't really speak for him but I no longer feel the need to be sticky to him anymore, haha. It warms my heart when a person like him, someone so nomadic and free-hearted, signs his name on the dotted line, to me! To a person like me! It's like caging a bird in and he is willing to do it! This thought keeps me going and quite the other way round, I've been leeching on the strength of this thought and been calling him lesser. I just don't feel the need to 'rein' someone in by constantly calling and in turn, Tex has been calling me a lot more. Maybe he feels old and finally needs some stability in his life? Hahaha. Seeing his daily messages is sufficient for me to know he is doing well there and I will try my best to focus on my career and my life here to gel with his in future.

It's been tough and will be tough(er) ahead but while I have my own needs to fulfil, I maintain it is important to respect each other's life priorities, even if it's your own spouse.

Remember, you are an individual first, then a half of a couple.