Marriage Preparation Session Two

This session discussed more about the in-laws relationships between your spouse and your family. The facilitator said, "No matter how long your spouse has been married to you, he or she remains a guest to your family system."

I think it's true. You took twenty-over years to grow up in a family and sometimes, even yourself could get annoyed or exasperated at some family situation, what more he or she? A very stark reminder to myself that it is not him who fails me (if he does), it is my expectation that did.

We also did a role play that displayed how each spouse's familial relationships can harm the tension between a couple. Imagine that you and your spouse are tied together with a rope. Not body-to-body kind of tight, but with some space in between facing each other. Now imagine each of you with different ropes tied to your body. These ropes are namely your father, mother and sibling. The other ends of these ropes are held or pulled by them respectively. Same goes for your spouse.

If your family start to pull the ropes, not only do you find yourself pulling away from your spouse, you also notice that the rope tying the two of you together becomes very tight with tension. Imagine your spouse's ropes that are held by his family pulls him at the same time. You find yourself tearing away from your spouse and him tearing away from you. What can you do to ease the tension between the two of you?

Stand closer.

That way, the rope that binds that two of you becomes looser.

I think it makes a lot of sense. It is important that a couple stands as a united front to 'battle' any issues. Yes, you can agree to disagree, but in times of adversity, it is crucial to come to a high extent of consensus to protect your spousal relationship.

The session also talked about initimacy and discussed our love languages out of the five:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

I always thought mine was 'Acts of Service' and 'Receiving Gifts'. Turned out that I have evolved to 'Physical Touch'. A hug to me during a quarrel means more than a hug given during happy times. Guess I am a '雪中送炭' person than a '錦上添花' kind of person.

At end of the session, they gave a game box to each couple! Well, it's not exactly a game but a box filled with small cards and reminders of what you can do to make your spouse's day.

Stay in love. Relationships are effortful. Don't minimise what you can do for your relationship.