Marriage Preparation Session One

I've been so busy recently but all for a good cause - starting the marriage right.

Realising that we have reached a bottle neck in settling and resolving conflicts, Tex and I finally decided that we should attend a marriage preparation course - of which, I fully agree. We feel that we have got this thing going and it's too much to let go hence we wanted to be equipped with the knowledge of how to settle conflicts amicably and healthily.

Tex found many courses on the ROM's website so he asked around and finally decided on Care Corner Toa Payoh! Honestly, I didn't know there were so many centres supporting marriage preparation programmes like this! If you are interested, be sure to pick one that is supported by MCYS because they will give you a rebate of $70 per couple when you finish the course - the courses can cost quite a bit, we're talking about $250 per couple for two sessions of four hours each.

Our first session was last Saturday! Went in feeling a little apprehensive because I am not really exposed to counselling sessions or therapies, unlike Tex who is a counselor. There were two facilitators along side with three other couples. I think a group session like this worked better for me because I would have felt really uncomfortable. Besides, it would also have been more expensive if you were to go one-to-one hahaha. But I have to say, the most rewarding part of the session for me was - realising that there are also other couples out there who fight as much as us (you can tell when the facilitators asked what areas we would like to work on, almost every couple chose "conflict resolution"). It was heartening to see that they too, want their relationships to work better for them. Tex and I felt really assured that conflicts can be normal in a relationship too. It's about how you manage them. One facilitator said, "You can't be thinking about how to avoid conflicts. It's how to face them and work it to the best for the relationship." All these while, we've been thinking that we fight so much, we must a really incompatible couple and self-created many self-doubts. If we looked deep enough into the core cause of why we fight, we just want to have a better future for us which is of absolute good intention.

The course enlightened us how to detect, reflect and intervene in a fight in its really early stages to prevent it from becoming a full-fledged fight. Also, it helped us recognise which of the four coping stances that we are most predominantly use - Blaming, Placating, Super Reasonable, or Irrelevant. This can be really useful when you recognise your stance and react accordingly.

There are three variables involved - you, your partner and the context:

Blaming - focusing on yourself, neglecting partner's feelings and context
Placating - focusing on your partner, neglecting yourself and context
Super Reasonable - focusing on context, neglecting yourself and your partner
Irrelevant - Neglecting all aspects

As you can see, all four stances have their pros and cons. Of course, I'm just trying to recall what I've learned and make sure I put them into practice, the next time we have a conflict.

Can't wait for the next session! I think it's going to be really fulfilling!

Thanks for dropping by! :)