It does take a while for me to recognise that Tex is no longer playing an active role in my life in Singapore right now. For the past two and a half years, I could call him up and he could appear at my doorstep in fifteen minutes. Now, it takes a phone call and shit loads of communication to update each other about our daily lives.
We used to go café-hunting together to have quality time all by ourselves. And then we realised that brunches and cafes were really expensive dates that we could hardly upkeep, coupled with the fact that we enjoyed hawker food so so so much more and they were cheaper. In spite of all these, be it café-dating, hawker-binging, sun-walking, every single little thing reminds me of Tex and his life here. Even taking a lift ride up to my place reminds me of the little last-minute chats we have before we say our goodbyes to each other.
There are still many cafes and hawker centres in Singapore that I would very much like to visit with him, so many experiences I would like to share, so many moments I need him to be beside me. BUT, it's about time I recognise that these are stuffs that I need to do on my own and we are trying our best to start our couple life somewhere else. No complaints, no whys, just start doing it. Six years ago, I've done it before, I can do it again.
A phrase he always, always tells me, "I know I'm not there, I just want you to know that you're on my mind."
With that, I will soldier on.
Our peculiar love and dreams keeps me fighting.
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